Courtship: Out with the Old and In with the New?

COURTSHIP: 
Out with the Old 
and 
In with the New?





A Research Paper Presented to

The English Resource Center

School of Multimedia Arts

Asia Pacific College

Magallanes, Makati

In Partial Fullfilment

of the Requirements for the Course

ERESWRT – Research Writing

Chaira Kaye S. Matias

April 2014

Chapter 1

Introduction

A. Background of the Study

Nowadays, most suitors use technology - such as text messaging and social networking sites, as a way to communicate to the person they admire. They think that it would be easier for them to talk to the person they like.

Christian Swertz wrote an article entitled "Courtship Patterns in the Information Age". He stated that the usage of technology in courtship is far and wide and is better than oral communication. 

He said that "The transmission of the information in space is fast compared to books or oral communication." (http://www.medienimpulse.at/articles/view/474)

Similarly, online dating is also one of the most frequently used as an instrument in finding your "true love" or partner in life. Since the world is now influenced by technology, there is a greater chance that an individual can find his or her other half. 

A Forbes staff, Jeff Bercovici, wrote an article entitled "Love On The Run: The Next Revolution In Online Dating" stating about the significance of online dating sites which enables individuals in finding their said to be soul mates. He also stated that there is an increasing amount of users and the weeks leading to February 14 were marked as the busiest time of the year for the online dating services.

He said that "What they want is an easier and faster way  to meet them IRL — in real life." (http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2014/02/14/love-on-the-run-the-next-revolution-in-online-dating/)

Some couples did not undergo courtship because they believed that their mutual feelings and understanding are enough to be in a relationship. 

An article written by Douq Lassen Anderson entitled "Mutual Understanding: What is it and what is it not?" states the definition of mutual understanding between two individuals. It supports the idea of having a relationship founded by means of voicing out what they feel for each other which enables them to pursue their feelings and be ready for commitment.

He said that "Some allow the feeling to nourish for some time until they see it appropriate to commit. It can wither away if the individuals get separated for some time or may lead to a deeper commitment. Individuals find this feeling titillating. Both are in for a surprise of what will happen next or where will the fondness of each other take them." (http://ezinearticles.com/?Mutual-Understanding:-What-Is-It-and-What-Is-It-Not?&id=6393987)

As time passes by, through additional understanding, even women may court the person she likes or admires. Modernization allowed the women to realize that they, too, can do courtship especially when they have the intense feeling towards the guy they like.

An article written by Natalie Brown entitled "Why Girls Shouldn't Wait For Guys To Make The First Move" stating that girls should not be aggressive in making their first move that includes asking a guy out instead, they should possess a positive attitude towards the guy they like. 

She said that "Do what you want to do, and what feels right to you. I’m all for making the first move (obvs), but if you really truly completely think that he absolutely must be the one to strike the match, then that is okay... You’re smart, you have common sense. Trust yourself. It’s okay if you make the first move, and it’s also okay if you prefer to insist on waiting for that cute guy who just smiled at you to walk across the room and talk to you." (http://www.sheckys.com/2013/04/15/why-girls-shouldnt-wait-for-guys-to-make-the-first-move/)

In addition, a blogger, Stephanie Lee, caught the researcher's attention by stating in her post that "Life is too short to wait around forever." 

Notwithstanding the advantages of modernization in courtship, the researcher observed that there are also disadvantages under this study. There are lots of changes over time as the world revolves around the sun. Changes that may occur in every individual that will affect their behavior and how they communicate to other people.

The focus of this paper is to inform the readers about the disadvantages of the usage of modern technology in courtship. 

B. Statement of the Problem

This study aims to answer this question:

1. What are the disadvantages of modern courtship? 

C. Significance of the Study

Women. This study would help women realize that they can also implement courtship towards men. 

Men. Knowledge of this study will allow men to find their partner in life through different effective ways that has been stated.

Couples experiencing misunderstandings. This study may improve the relationship of a couple by showing them what is lacking and unduly in their relationship.

Future Researchers. They can use the information provided by this study to serve as a reference for their future research.



D. Scope and Delimitation

This study focuses on the advantages and disadvantages of the usage of modern technology in courtship. Courtship has been used in different ways as of now because of the influence of modernization. Moreover, comparison of the modern courtship and the traditional style of courtship will be included for further information about the advantages and disadvantages of the said topic.

This study will not conduct a discussion about what will happen after getting a "yes" from the person you are courting because it is not covered by the topic the researcher will be conversing.



E. Materials and Methods

The information gathered by the researcher were provided by the articles that can be found online and psychological, scientific, and cultural studies from her previous blog posts. 

The researcher also provided an outline to serve as her guide in making this paper.



F. Definition of Terms 

1.) Courtship - A period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, esp. with a view to marriage.

2.) Modernization - The process whereby a society is transformed from a rural and agrarian state to an industrialized, secular, urban society. 

3.) Online Dating - The practice of searching for a romantic or sexual partner on the Internet, typically via a dedicated website.

4.) Social Networking - The use of dedicated websites and applications to communicate informally with other users, or to find people with similar interests to oneself.

Chapter 2

DISCUSSION

What are the disadvantages of modern courtship?

I. Definition of Modern Courtship

As time goes by, everything in the world undergoes a change. For instance, in courtship, people nowadays, prefer to use technology as a way to court or to get to know someone special such as online dating and text messaging. 

An article is written by Sarahgat entitled "Courtship in the Philippines Today". The author states there that online dating, online courting, and mobile courting or texting are more convenient to imply in communication to the people they want to talk to. It also stated that the change in society became rapid as humans maximize the use of technology. This is very obvious in the lifestyle portrayed by westerners who have well developed information technology systems and industries.

Sarahgat said that "These advancements due to technology make our life easy at the same time fast-phasing and due to these reasons, it seems like everyone should incline to the rush so that people should not left be behind." 

(http://sarahgats.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/courtship-in-the-philippines-today/)

II. Difference of Traditional Courtship from the Modern Courship

Imagine how it feels to be serenaded by someone. Some may feel the feeling but some cannot. Why is that so? An article that the researcher found can help in explaining the reason behind this situation. 

A. Tradition

There were several ways of courtship in the past. In the Philippines, most of the men offers a song to someone they admire. The traditional way of courtship is one of the most romantic in the world. 

There is an article entitled "Filipino Courtship: Traditional Vs. Modern". It states there that courting under Filipino tradition gives very big importance on the value of respecting the woman and her family and strictly adhering with proper rules set by society for pursuing a lady. One cannot just talk and approach a lady in the street and ask her number or address. If a young man sees a lady he likes he should seek out the help of a go-between, usually a common friend of both family, to ask the permission of the girls father whether he can visit them in their house. This is the gentlemanly thing to do so the parents will most likely approve unless of course the lady is just a child.

The author said that "This practice which dates back to the Spanish times prohibits men to be very aggressive or becoming even when they want the lady very much." (http://www.weddinginthesky.com/article/filipino-courtship-traditional-vs-modern.html)

B. Serenade

Most of the women would like to be serenaded. The feeling of being special to someone and offering them a wonderful and lovely song is definitely romantic. 

An article entitled "Harana" states that the process of courting a girl in the traditional sense is a long and arduous process. It is expected that a girl will play hard-to-get when court because that is the norm. No matter how much she likes the guy, she has to show the most restraint and disinterest. Girls are made to believe that guys will value them more if they are made to work hard before letting them have what they want.

The author said that "This is because we give high value to the women in our society and giving them away is not easy." (http://www.weddinginthesky.com/article/filipino-courtship-traditional-vs-modern.html)

C. Giving gifts 

Teddy bears, Chocolates, Flowers, and love letters are some of the things that men give to the girl they admire or like. It shows effort and sincerity. 

Dr. Peter Sozou and Professor Robert Seymour from University College London wrote an article entitled "Expensive but worthless gifts may help facilitate courtship". It states there that gifts can act as a signal of a man's intention and offering an expensive gift may signal a long-term commitment. Giving gifts by the men is a feature of human courtship and mating systems in a number of species. 

The author said that "Guys are less likely to offer expensive gifts to females they don't have a long-term interest in. And girls won't be impressed by cheap gifts. By offering expensive but worthless gifts, such as dinners and theatre trips, the male pays no cost if the invitation isn't accepted. Girls that don't find a guy attractive are less likely to take up the invitation because it would mean spending time with a person they aren't interested in." (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/28127.php)

III. Disadvantage of Modern Courtship

Even though modern technology has a lot of advantages in courtship, still, there are disadvantages in the usage of this in courtship. 

1. Internet Dating 

Online dating or also known as internet dating is an experience that allows individuals to contact and communicate with one another over the Internet. This experience is usually with the objective of developing a personal, romantic, or sexual relationship. Online dating services usually provide moderated matchmaking over the Internet, through the use of personal computers or cell phones.  

Ashia Sims wrote an article entitled "Internet Dating Pros and Cons". It states there that internet dating is often believed to be done only by really lonely, unattractive people who can't meet people due to some type of personal defect. In fact, many people that participate in Internet dating are regular people who are exploring other dating options. It can be a fun way to expand your current dating pool, but there can be potential issues with honesty and safety. When you decide to jump into the Internet dating world, you should always safeguard yourself. Safety is just as important in Internet dating as it is for real world dating.

She also said that "Internet dating isn't for everyone, but it is a viable way to expand the dating landscape if you're single and looking."

(http://www.ehow.com/facts_4796672_internet-dating-pros-cons.html)

Chapter 3

Summary, Conclusions, and Recommendations

Summary 

This paper aims to know the present state of courtship which includes the use of modern technology, its advantages and disadvantages. 

The research design used in this study is descriptive method wherein the data gathered from different reference materials such as articles and blogs that were found online were used to answer the following research questions that were stated. The research findings are the following:

1. There are two kinds of courtship; traditional and modern. 

2. Because of modern technology, courtship was made easier.

3. Despite the advantages of modern courtship, still, it has disadvantages.

4. Some people still use traditional ways of courting.

Conclusion

Based on the findings of this study, the following conclusions are drawn:

1. Modern courtship is the presently occurring way of courtship that affected the traditional way of courtship which was used before.

2. Modernization helped in making courtship a lot effective by means of advance technology.

3. This modern courtship affected the usage of traditional courtship, showing lack of importance in communication, effort and sincerity from the suitor.

4. Still, there are people who believe that traditional courtship is still an effective way of courting since it shows sincerity and effort.


Recommendations

 After coming up with the conclusions of the study, the researcher hereby make the following suggestions/recommendations:

1. As much as possible, girls should not apply courtship. 

2. Effort and sincerity are two important things men should show when courting a girl. 

3. Modern technology is not that bad but sometimes it may affect the communication between two people in a relationship.


References 

Electronic Media

"Courtship Patterns in the Information Age" by Christian Swertz
(http://www.medienimpulse.at/articles/view/474)

 "Love On The Run: The Next Revolution In Online Dating" by Jeff Bercovici
(http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2014/02/14/love-on-the-run-the-next-revolution-in-online-dating/)

"Mutual Understanding: What is it and what is it not?" by Douq Lassen Anderson
(http://ezinearticles.com/?Mutual-Understanding:-What-Is-It-and-What-Is-It-Not?&id=6393987)

 "Why Girls Shouldn't Wait For Guys To Make The First Move" by Natalie Brown
(http://www.sheckys.com/2013/04/15/why-girls-shouldnt-wait-for-guys-to-make-the-first-move/)

"Courtship in the Philippines Today" by Sarahgat

(http://sarahgats.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/courtship-in-the-philippines-today/)

"Expensive but worthless gifts may help facilitate courtship" by Dr. Peter Sozou and Prof. Robert Seymour

(http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/28127.php)

"Internet Dating Pros and Cons" by Ashia Sims

(http://www.ehow.com/facts_4796672_internet-dating-pros-cons.html)

Blog post 9: What is serenade?

When someone serenades you, what would you feel? Isn't it sweet seeing someone who is sincere in expressing his feeling through playing a guitar and singing a song for you?

In Filipino culture, one way of courting a young maiden is by serenading her. But nowadays, people use technology such as facebook, twitter, skype, texting, and many more to court a girl and get to know more about them. 

I read an article entitled Serenade - The Art of Courtship Why Woman Are Spellpbound by Van Helsing. The word serenade comes from the Italiano word "sereno" which means "calm". It is a musical greeting performed for a lover, friend, person of rank or other person to be honored. Serenade is an example of the first type in art of music.

It states there that in the Philippines, in provinces and rural places there are still who use serenade to express their love and affection and honor such person with sweet melodies and poetry. 

This only proves that the way to capture the woman's heart and attention are efforts and sincerity. 

While browsing, I saw another article entitled Serenading A Girl by Lucie Westminster. It states about the culture and how to serenade a girl. 

First of all, you should choose a romantic song that reflects your feelings and suits your loved one. Prevent from choosing a song with explicit or inappropriate lyrics because the point of serenading a girl is to have a positive impact. Second, practice skills in singing. Memorize the words and tune so that you will not be embarrassed. Look in the mirror so you will see your facial expression and how you move. The third one is your outfit. Pick a nice shirt and pants to show that you put thought into the serenading process. Fourth, choose the right time and place. A private location for  a more intimate experience or a public serenade if you prefer more hype. And lastly, the sweetest part, hand your girl a single flower to show her you care, look her in the eye and sing your song. Don't worry if you won't win a Grammy for your performance. She'll appreciate the effort, regardless of your talent.

For me, serenading the woman you love is pretty sweet. It shows the sincerity and love of the person through efforts. So, how about you? How will you capture the heart of the one you like? :) 

Blog post 8: Truth Behind Fragrance

I can't go a day without a perfume. I always make sure that I have one inside my bag. Wearing a perfume really makes me feel complete and neat. What are the effects of wearing them? Is it good or bad? 

As I was browsing, I got interested in this article entitled The Emotional Effects of Fragrances. Perfumes can be as perfect as an accessory. It can also boost your self confidence. 

Other scent of perfumes are deeper that could hit us at emotional and neurological levels.
When we say neurological levels, it refers to the lowest segment of the spinal cord with normal sensory and motor function on both sides of the body. It states there that our sense of smell is strong and neurologically linked to both taste and memory. That is why our fragrances can be uplifting, calming, and also reminds us of bright days or wild nights. 

In physiology, inhaling a fragrance stimulates the part of our brain where taste is analyzed and memories are stored. It also connects to the areas such as heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, stress levels, and hormone balance. Out of our five senses, only the sense of smell is connected directly to our emotional control center part of the brain. It is the same place where fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and joy resonate from.

There is a whole arm of fragrance that uses scented oils and extracts for physical and mental purposes, to soothe and heal, relax and inspire. Scents have been used for centuries to reduce stress and emotional trauma, increase energy and inspire moods.

Nowadays, science is looking more into how and why certain fragrances makes us feel the way we do. They also found out how some common fragrances notes can help affect or improve our moods such as stress, memory and concentration, libido, fear, depression and grief. 


Why wearing a perfume makes someone attractive?

I found an article entitled Perfume science: The scent of a man and it states there that to attract a woman by wearing scent, a man must attract himself first. From the word perfume, it has feminine overtones to many male ears. For men, they can be sold deodorant and aftershave, but the idea of all those dinky little bottles with their fussy paraphernalia is too much for the sensitive male ego. 

According to the researchers who have been investigating the problem found out that appropriate scents can improve the mood of those who wear them. They also discovered that when a man changes his natural body odor it can alter his self-confidence to such an extent that it also changes how attractive women find him. 

Therefore, I conclude that there are advantages in wearing perfume; boosts self confidence and makes you look expensive. And lastly, you will catch the attention of the person you like. :) 

Blog post 7: Love Letters

Have you received a love letter? What would you feel if you receive one? 

Writing a love letter is one of the sweetest way to express your feelings on someone you like or love. Whether it is delivered by hand, a mail, e-mail or maybe romantically left in a secret location.

I have read an article entitled The Science Of Love Letters by Donelson Forsyth. A love letter means the crafting of a written missive that defines and describes the current and/or desired nature of an amative relationship between the sender and recipient. This burden is lightened, to some degree, by the use of pre-built greeting cards, red roses, candy hearts, and the Love You! application for smart phones, but the traditional love letter makes it possible to convey one's love for another in an more coherent and influential way. 

Researchers offer some suggestions to the love-besotted crafter of persuasive prose. The theory of love, for example, suggests that the ideal love letter should include the three basic components and these are intimacy, passion and commitment. The emotional component is intimacy. It is called the close, connected, and bonded feelings. Next is passion which is the motivational component. It includes physical attraction, sexual desire, sexuality like passionate love. And the last component which is the commitment or decision. It speaks one’s hope that the relationship will be long-lasting. Words like loyalty, responsibility, faithfulness, and devotion characterize commitment. The consummate love letter would, in theory, combine all three elements. 

And they discovered that when it comes to love letters, commitment conquered all. Love letters are really romantic because it shows the sincerity of the person who is writing it for. 

There is this another article entitled Letter To A Loved One When Depressed by Drew Coster. It states there depression is a terrible thing to experience. It can rob us the ability to think clearly, make decisions, to feel love and hope. 

The author said that making love letters to your loved ones can also help you to prevent depression. Writing to a person whom you like to communicate would make you feel better. If nothing else it lets them have a small insight into how you feel and it also conveys the seriousness of your situation. A letter is a special thing that we don’t often hand write anymore, which gives it extra meaning.

This only proves that writing is really good in expressing what you really feel and what you really wanted to say or imply. 

Blog post 6: We All Scream For Ice Cream!

Ice creams are the best! It's the perfect food for a hot day or any other day for that matter.It makes me feel cool and refreshing! It never fails to satisfy. 

Now, the question is, what makes an ice cream addictive?

I read an article entitled Is Ice Cream 'Addictive'? The Truth About 'Addictive' Foods and it states there how ice cream literally affects our brain. Researchers made a survey to one hundred fifty-one teenagers with healthy body weights about their food and cravings. Ultimately, the teens wanted to eat the shake, but the teens who had eaten the most ice cream over the previous weeks before the study enjoyed the ice cream less than those who hadn't consumed very much ice cream before the study.The researcher compared this reaction to that of many drug addicts. He stated that, just like drug addiction, the people who had eaten the ice cream many times recently exhibited increased cravings but also experienced less pleasure.

Researchers said that the more ice cream you eat, the more you need to eat in order for your brain to send signals that it's enjoying the treat. It simply means that the more you have it, the more of it you need in order to experience pleasure from it. 

So, is it possible to be chemically addicted to food like ice cream? The answer is yes. Any food can be addictive. It states there that as far as the brain’s circuitry is concerned, pleasure is pleasure. Activation patterns often look about the same.  

I read another article entitled Emotional Feeling: Feeding Your Feelings by Heather Hatfield. When we're happy, sad, and bored we eat pizza, steak, chocolates and ice cream. Food does not only fill in our stomachs but also satisfies our feelings. And when you quench those feelings with comfort food when you're stomach isn't growling, that is what you call emotional eating. 

"Emotional eating is eating for reasons other than hunger." - Jane Jakubczak 

With regard to that quote, emotional eating is a disorder. It is a compulsive overeating which also means food addiction. Therefore, Ice cream isn't known for its health benefits and it is considered more of an indulgence and comfort food than a functional one.

Blog post 5: The Magic of Flowers

Each day , thousands of gifts were exchanged by the people who want to send thoughtful regards to deserving friend or loved ones. And one of the gifts that we mostly receive are flowers. 

Why do girls like flowers? Well for me, every time that I will receive it makes me feel special. Also they smell good and look pretty. 

I have read an article entitled Emotional Impact of Flowers Study. It states there that flowers are one of the simplest way to improve our emotional health. Its presence triggers happy emotions, heightens feelings of life satisfaction and affects social behavior in a positive manner far beyond what is normally believed. 

It also indicates that flowers have an immediate impact on happiness. Especially to girls, 
when we receive one we express a true and excited smiles and demonstrates delight and gratitude. Flowers also have a long-term positive effect on moods.  it means you'll feel less depressed, anxious and agitated after receiving flowers, and demonstrate a higher sense of enjoyment and life satisfaction. And lastly, flowers make intimate connections meaning the presence of it led to increased contact with family and friends. 

"Common sense tell us that flowers makes us happy." - Dr. Haviland Jones

Yes, they really do make me happy especially us, girls. 

There's this another article I read entitled Want To Get Him To Open Up? Send Flowers. It states there that men who receive flowers demonstrate increased social interaction and happiness. 

In this article they made a study that involves two groups of men who varied in age and ethnicity. One group received a surprise gift of flowers and the other group who did not. This study shows the measures of the social interaction which are the the subjects' verbal cues and body language.


The men who received flowers indicated increased eye contact in conversation and produces more truer smiles than those men who did not receive flowers.

"When it comes to receiving flowers, men and women are on the same playing field." - Dr. Haviland Jones

With regard to that, both men and women who give and receive flowers are perceived as happy, achieving, strong, capable and courageous people. That's why I call it the magic of flowers. 

Blog post 4: All about coffee

What type of coffee do you drink? Did you know that there types of coffee that describes your personality?

For me, I really like frozen blended coffee drinks. It makes me feel more relaxed. How about you? Do you have a favorite type of coffee?

I have read an article about What Does Your Coffee Reveal About You? by Emily Waters. There are different personalities in every types of coffee you drink. A clinical psychologist also conducted an observational study of one thousand coffee drinkers. Numerous common personality styles and psychological traits includes introversion and extraversion; patience; perfectionism; warmth; vigilance; sensitivity; and social boldness, among others.

Just like black coffee drinkers; they are patient, efficient, straightforward and resistant to making changes. Latter drinkers are likely to be neurotic, comfort seekers, and eager to please people. They will go out of their way to help others but don't always take great care of themselves. And those people who loves to buy sweet drinks, frozen and blended coffees like me, were 'socially bold', trendsetters, childlike, imaginative but sometimes the don't always make healthy choices and they tend to be reckless.

Sometimes our choices in life essentially shape who we are for better or worse. Just like latte drinkers who are the people pleasers may try to manage the bitterness of a coffee with a little milk, which can be dangerous if one is always selfless and unassertive when communicating to their wants and desires.

And sometimes our personalities can make change a little harder. While some people with certain personality styles may embrace new things. 

Therefore, a person may end up wanting to quit rather than taking a moment to see the connection between her personality and her choices. It may require mindfulness to push through certain personality styles, but armed with that knowledge, it may help any of us feel in better command of any behavior changes. 

I have read another article entitled Coffee drinking tied to lower risk of suicide. They say that drinking several cups of coffee daily reduce the risk of suicide in men and women. 

Caffeine may also act as mild antidepressants. It can boosts production of of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, including serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenaline. That explains lower risk of depression among coffee drinkers. Chocolates, tea, caffeinated drinks, soft drinks and coffee are calculates caffeine consumption.

Researchers do not recommend depressed adults increase in caffeine consumption, because most individuals adjust their caffeine intake to an optimal level for them.

Therefore, I conclude that drinking coffee is not that bad at all. It's just that you have to limit it.